I sat down on a half-filled subway car heading north from Kings Highway in the boonies of Brooklyn. Some guys were standing around shouting to each other, punctuating their speech with raucous, obnoxiously loud laughter. I thought about going into another car. Diagonally across from me was a Hispanic guy with short, gelled-down hair, diamond earrings, hulking shoulders and biceps bulging out of a black shirt with OLD NAVY across the chest in white capital letters, black sweatpants, and tennis shoes. About two seconds had passed when he leaned forward and asked me—practically yelling—”Can I ask you a question? How old are you?”
I told him 25, though I was immediately suspicious.
“Can I ask you another question? I’m just curious, this is for my own personal reason.”
In my head I thought it was going to be an ethnicity question, because that comes up a lot and I find it annoying and tactless, but out of my inability to not be nice, I leaned forward and said, “Sure.”
“Okay, so I just broke up with my girlfriend, right?”
Uh-oh.
“We were in a serious relationship, but I just broke up with her because she was hanging out with this guy who I knew wanted to have sex with her. He was always hanging around her even though he knew she had a serious boyfriend. And once, I walked her to class, and this guy, he said to her in front of me, ‘What, this guy is taking you to class now?’ He spit on our relationship. Right in front of me. So later, I’m telling my girlfriend, ‘Don’t sit next to that guy in that class. He spit on our relationship.’ And you know, I went to her class to see her after that, and she’s sitting right next to him. And you know what? There are like eight empty seats around the room.”
Buff Dude was calm as he spoke, but clearly irritated. And sometime during his story he’d gotten up to sit next to me. “So I broke up with her. What do you think? Did I do the right thing?”
I was entirely unprepared to digest the situation. She didn’t do anything wrong, I thought. But she was deliberately disrespectful. I made a thinking face and said nothing. “Put yourself in my shoes,” he prompted.
So I did. I imagined my boyfriend hanging out with a floozy that I didn’t like. I imagined him doing it even after I’d asked him not to. I felt angry. Maybe Buff Dude did do the right thing. But I wanted to see it from both sides, which is what I told him.
“I love her, you know? And I still think she’s the best.” My eyebrows rose. “It’s hard to explain,” he continued, “but she disobeyed me. So I had to break up with her.”
We began to talk back and forth about trust and respect, about how girls like attention, and how sometimes people can be ignorant of the intentions of others. As we talked, I felt mild pangs of guilt about once being an ignorant, dumb girl who made many bad decisions.
“I just needed to know if I’m crazy,” he said later, after moving back to his original side of the subway car.
“You’re not,” I said. I was sure of that. But I wasn’t sure if he did the right thing.